Creating Intimacy in a Romantic Relationship

Creating intimacy in romantic relationships takes time and energy, but it’s worth it.

To be seen, heard and known into the depth of our soul fulfills a deep longing. This desire for closeness and connection is a basic human need, so it’s natural to want this in a romantic relationship or marriage. Yet for some, fears of rejection or abandonment surface when someone draws near. And for others, once a relationship is established, daily routines and responsibilities take over leaving intimate connection at the bottom of a long to-do list.

In order to create intimacy in a romantic relationship or marriage, it’s important to make it a priority and rise above fears if they arise. Here are suggestions for creating mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual intimacy.

Build mental rapport. Exploring insights, sharing new discoveries and debating world events ignites passion for intellectual types. If your partner falls into this category, show an interest in his philosophies and take time to share yours. Avoid criticizing his views and focus on shared interests. This will go along way towards creating intimacy in your romantic relationship.

Develop emotional intimacy. Where we really start to bond with others is through the heart. Spend an evening each week or some time on the weekend sharing past stories and future dreams with your lover or spouse. Share a painful or heartfelt experience from your childhood and ask your partner to do the same. Initiate conversation around your current and future hopes and dreams. Go a step further and express your feelings about each other. Take turns sharing what you like and love about each other. Comment on the change and growth you’ve witnessed in your spouse over the years. Be honest about your unmet needs in the relationship, but communicate from your heart and soul, not from your head.

Initiate physical intimacy. Remember what it felt like when your romantic partner first held your hand, touched your knee, or gently kissed your lips? If you and your spouse have been living like roommates instead of lovers, initiate the power of touch. Caress your wife’s back as you approach her in the kitchen. Pat your husband’s behind when you pass him in the hallway. Rest your hand and on your lover’s knee while she drives. Hold hands on a walk through the park. Hug for more than ten seconds. Offer a foot rub or back massage. Go for snuggle breaks on the weekend. Embrace each other as you fall asleep. These acts of tenderness may lead to deeper sexual intimacy as well.

Deepen spiritual connection. Say hello to the spirit within; look past your partner’s image, personality and behavior to see who they are on a soul level. Explore your spiritual beliefs with each other, even if it’s just discussing common values of kindness, honesty, and compassion. If you are both spiritual, pray or meditate together regularly. Deepening your spiritual connection with your partner will create a ripple effect into all areas of your relationship.

As you step out of daily routines and responsibilities in order to create intimacy in all areas of your relationship, be aware of fears as they arise. Don’t let old wounds or fear of rejection or abandonment sabotage your romantic relationship. See these blocks for what they are: past pain and unrealistic fears. Do what is necessary to move past these – breathe through the fear, take risks, get counseling, meditate, pray or whatever supports you to be bigger than the blocks.

Do you have any questions or further insights into creating intimacy in romantic relationships? Please share below.

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Dear Readers,

I am not able to be on the computer much these days due to my current activities, so I won't be able to respond to comments very often.

I encourage you though, to use the comment section as a place to share your experience, read about others' and to respond to and support each other with your situations.

Take care,


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2 Responses to Creating Intimacy in a Romantic Relationship

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  2. Gini Grey says:

    You’re wecome Carolynn – I hope it was a tasty lunch:)

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