Create a peaceful life by letting go of drama.

Drama addiction is widespread in modern culture; not just in television soap operas, but in many people’s daily lives. In order to let go of life drama, people need to first recognize that they are addicted to drama. From there they can catch themselves being drawn in to reactivity, excitement and titillation, and make other choices to find peace.

What is Drama Addiction?

Being addicted to drama is like any other addiction. It involves a craving, dependence or compulsion to a substance or behavior. In this case, the behavior is overreacting to stressful situations, which creates an internal adrenalin rush. For some, this makes them feel alive, important and alert. But overtime it becomes painful. What once created stimulation and excitement for the mind and body now overwhelms the mind with worry and stresses the body with tension.

When people have ongoing drama in their life, they may believe they are powerless over the circumstances of their lives. They retell every detail of the story of what happened to them as though they played no part in creating it. But if looked at more closely, one can see the attitudes, actions and reactions that preceded many of the crises and difficult situations they’ve encountered. Part of overcoming drama addiction involves letting go of victimhood.

People caught in the drama of a loved one’s life, often feel compelled to help or rescue in some way. It’s difficult for them to make clear separations and allow their family and friends to struggle through life lessons. Their addiction is not just to the highs and lows, but to their role of caretaker, rescuer and helper.

Overcome Drama by Identifying the Payoffs

With every unhealthy behavior, there is always a payoff. Becoming aware of this payoff allows people to find healthier ways to meet their underlying needs. For example, if creating financial disasters summons loved ones to jump in and provide bailouts, feeling loved and cared for may be the benefit. With awareness, this person can choose to find healthier ways to feel a sense of love and connection with others.

Love, attention, safety and security are a few of the common payoffs for creating drama. If a person can identify what perks they receive from creating and attracting drama into their lives, they can brainstorm healthier ways to meet these needs.

Change Perspectives and Behaviors

Once a person identifies the motive for being addicted to drama, it is much easier to create positive change. What are your underlying needs? If receiving love and attention are the payoffs for overdramatizing situations, explore ways to meet these needs in healthier ways. Perhaps increasing self-esteem will help or practicing self-love. Does being rescued and taken care of by others bring a feeling of safety and security? Imagine how self-empowering it would be to let go of victimhood mentality and resolve issues independently. Or are you an excitement junkie attached to the highs and lows? Are there healthier ways to experience excitement, perhaps through creativity, hobbies, developing worthwhile projects?

Reflect on what truly motivates the drama seeking behavior and be willing to find other ways to experience the payoffs.

Withdrawal From Drama Addiction

Once people bring their awareness to their drama addiction, they begin to choose new perspectives and behaviors. But they may be left with a feeling of emptiness, loneliness or agitation. If the body was used to the stimulation of blowing things out of proportion it may feel anxious and not know what to do, or a temporary depression may set in.

If you’re used to the attention and sympathy received from having problems in your life, you may suddenly feel lonely or uncared for. This may trigger an emotional upheaval or a search for other ways to distract from the discomfort.

As with any addiction, it’s important to feel and process underlying emotions, remembering that you are so much bigger than these. Any mental, emotional, physical experiences that arise through withdrawal will pass if you shine a light of love and tenderness on yourself.

Being in the present moment and connecting to your higher self, nature, or the God of your heart will support you through the ups and downs of letting go of drama addiction. Once you have learned to love yourself and meet your needs for care and attention in a healthy way, you won’t want or attract drama in your life anymore. You will enjoy the richness of a peaceful life.

Find your center to find your balance around other people.

It’s challenging to stay balanced and energized these days with so much going on at such a rapid pace, particularly if you’re sensitive to the energy, emotions, and problems of other people.

More than ever we need to be centered within ourselves, owning our space, and keeping our energy clear if we want to feel balanced and have enough energy to enjoy our day to day activities. Otherwise we scatter our energy in too many places, take on other people’s stuff, and feel depleted most of the time.

Here are five energy awareness tools that, if practiced, will help you to stay balanced and energized around other people and through the day.

Center Within. When you center within yourself you have at least 50% of your awareness within you. This protects you from spreading your energy in too many places and keeps you from feeling drained when you’re around self-absorbed people. Simply bring your awareness into the center of your head, a few inches back from your forehead, to be more aware of your Self, and at the same time connect to your physical body with all its sensations and emotions. This will keep you anchored within you so you can feel peaceful and balanced.

Ground Your Body. Our physical bodies are filled with electrical impulses and energy, so just like an electrical appliance needs to be grounded in order to work effectively, so do our bodies. We naturally ground through our feet, but we also have another energetic grounding cord that flows from the base of the spine (and first chakra) all the way down to the earth. Bring your awareness to this with the intention that it have a 6-8” width flowing all the way down to the earth. This will support you to release tension, emotions and problems so you can stay energized.

Own Your Personal Space. Our personal space doesn’t end with our skin. We have an electromagnetic field of energy surrounding our body called the aura that contains our information and beliefs. It acts like a filter which we see the world through and the world see us. If not owned, other people’s energy and information can move in and influence us. It can also feel heavy and draining to have foreign energy in our space. Set your intention to have the outside edge of your aura about an arms length distance away from your body. This will help you to own your personal space and create boundaries.

Clear Your Energy. Even with healthy boundaries we tend to match the energy around us and take on other people’s energy from time to time, so it helps to give ourselves a quick energy cleanse at the end of the day. Using a high vibration such as the color of gold, you can imagine giving yourself a shower with gold energy. Let it grab anything that isn’t you and wash it down your grounding. You will feel instantly refreshed.

Reclaim Your Energy. Our energy goes where our focus and attention goes. This is why it’s helpful to stay centered. But when you do feel scattered or depleted, create an image of a gold sun about 5-6’ above your head. Let it act like a magnet attracting all of your energy into it and then bring it down into your body to release your energy back into your personal space. Notice if you feel re-energized doing this.

I have been using and teaching the above tools for many years because they work so well to help people stay balanced and energized, especially around other people. If you’d like personal guidance to better experience these tools, I have created an audio program called Energy Balancing Tools available through my Spiritual Energy Awareness site.

A positive attitude will support you more than a negative attitude when going through a marriage breakup.

Staying positive during a divorce isn’t easy if you or your spouse are resentful, bitter or shut down. These attitudes only create more pain and prevent healing from taking place. Shifting your perspective will help both of you move forward with ease and neutrality. Here are some suggestions.

Accept the Marriage has Ended

If we hold on to what was or wish things to be different than they are, we cause our own mental and emotional suffering. When we accept things as they are, we feel relief as we let go of pressuring ourselves and others.

Acceptance doesn’t mean you have to like what is happening. It means not resisting or struggling against reality. You may have sadness and anger, but you blanket it with an understanding that what is happening is for the best. Here are some ways to practice acceptance during a relationship breakup.

~ Know that you did the best you could within the relationship dynamics.

~ Accept your partner did the best he or she could given their relationship skills.

~ Forgive your partner and release any resentment you’re holding.

~ Process your emotions as they arise so they don’t get bottled up.

~ Focus on the lessons and gifts received from the relationship.

~ Trust that you are bigger than the circumstances of your life.

Acceptance removes a burdensome weight allowing people to move forward freely and more joyfully.

Don’t Blame Yourself or Your Spouse

We’ve been programmed to believe that marriage should last a lifetime. In these days and times, people evolve much more rapidly than they used to. This means it’s not unlikely for two people to change and grow in different directions over time. In this case, it’s healthiest for partners to let go of the partnership in the cleanest way possible.

Ending a relationship cleanly means not blaming each other or holding each other hostage through manipulation. It means owning your part and allowing your spouse the space and time to process their experience.

One way to do this is to stop viewing the marriage as a bad mistake. Mistakes and failures are a part of life and instead of being viewed negatively, they can be seen as important ways to learn and grow. Getting past mistakes involves seeing the gift in all of life’s experiences. Reflect over your marriage with a positive attitude – see how you changed, developed and grew as a result of the positive and negative aspects. This perspective will help you to stay out of the blame game and develop a positive attitude and end the relationship peacefully.

Stay in the Present Moment

Ruminating over the past, fantasizing about what could have been, or fearing the future is the opposite of staying positive. It takes you out of the present moment where healing happens. Self-care involves being proactive with current circumstances. If your energy is scattered in the past or future you are less able to handle challenging situations right in front of you, like going through a divorce.

Catch the mind when it wanders away from the here and now as a way to move into the present moment. Take a deep breath and use all of your senses to notice what’s going on around you. Nurture yourself by enjoying nutritious foods, relaxing time spent in nature, or the company of good friends. Recognize that you are okay in this moment. Know that you are filled with love, even if a love relationship has ended. Pamper yourself as much as you can in the present moment.

Staying in the moment, being acceptant, and adopting a non-blaming perspective will support you to have a positive attitude while going through a marriage breakup.

Set a healthy example by learning to put yourself first instead of people pleasing.

If you are a compassionate, caring person you may also be a people pleaser – continually taking care of others’ needs while denying your own. Overtime this can be draining and exhausting. It can also lead to codependency, enabling others instead of letting them take care of themselves.

Feelings of guilt, obligation and over-responsibility, along with a need to appear nice and kind, motivate people pleasing behaviors. There’s an urge to say “yes” to another’s request when deep down inside you want to say “no.” But you can’t, without feeling guilty or responsible for the other’s predicament. Yet in reality each of us is responsible for our own creations, however they turn out.

You may be a people pleaser at work, or perhaps only with family and friends, or maybe you’re vulnerable to anyone who looks at you with a puppy dog eyes. But at some point you need to learn to put yourself first or you’ll become so over burdened focusing on others that you’ll end up scattered, bedraggled, and ill from burn-out.

How to Stop Being a People Pleaser

The first step in letting go of people pleasing behaviors is to discover what motivates you in the first place. With this awareness you can catch yourself before saying “yes” and make a healthier choice. Explore the following questions:

~ Is obligation and loyalty important to you? Many people are raised in families that stress the importance of doing what is “right” according to family and societal norms of the day. This may mean attending family events regardless of desire or interest, taking care of others even if it creates hardship to self, or being of service to others. Whenever people take action out of duty and obligation, instead of from their heart and soul inspiration, they end up doing more harm than good in the long run. Explore your underlying beliefs as a way to break free from external conditioning.

~ How important is it to be nice? Some people believe they need to be nice all the time otherwise they feel they are being mean. This is all or nothing thinking. In reality, it is possible to say “no” without being mean, and it is possible to put yourself first without harming others. Experiment with how you can speak your truth with kindness.

~ Does saying no trigger guilt? What underlies the guilt – is it feeling responsible for the other, feeling a sense of owing the other, or feeling undeserving or less than? It is helpful to tune into the underlying messages to see what’s true and false. Say hello to the feelings of guilt or over-responsibility, but then focus on your higher truth of goodness and worthiness.

~ Are you over concerned about others? Do you view those in trouble as helpless or needy? This perspective will lead you to feel you have to help everyone who has a problem. In reality, we each make our own mistakes and create our own predicaments as a way to learn, grow and evolve. Remember this the next time you are tempted to rescue a struggling family member or friend.

As you learn to let go of being a people pleaser, the next step is to learn how to put yourself first.

How to Put Yourself First

If your habit is putting others’ needs first then it makes sense that the antidote to this would be to put your own needs first. This is not an easy task for those well trained in the art of sensing what others’ need before even being asked. But with practice, a new balance can be achieved. Try the following.

Create a new motivation. Before tending to others, doing favors, and putting others’ first, check in to what is motivating this behavior. If it is not coming from a place of true desire and interest that benefits both parties, rethink any actions before taking them. What would you like your motive to be? What would truly help another? What would be best for both of you?

Discover your underlying needs. If the need for approval, appreciation, love, or acceptance underlies your behaviors, find healthier ways to experience these. What can you do to expand your self-love, self-appreciation, self-approval, and self-acceptance?

Meet your own needs. Check in with your mind, body, heart and soul on a daily basis to discover you need for the day. Then brainstorm ways to meet these. Practice saying “yes” to yourself and “no” to others until it becomes comfortable.

See others as capable. If sympathy motivates caretaking behaviors, rise up to a place of compassion where caring for the others’ dilemmas is balanced by seeing their resourcefulness. This will lead to allowing others to care for themselves.

Set healthy boundaries. If friends or family pull at your heart strings as a way to manipulate your behavior, it may be time to set healthy boundaries with family and friends. If you are an empath who is sensitive to the energy, emotions and problems of others, you may also need to create healthy energy boundaries.

It takes time to find a new balance between caring for others and caring for self, but once it is achieved, exhaustion drops away and energy returns. Make a choice to put yourself first and let go of people pleasing.

Relationships deepen when you communicate from your heart and soul.

We all know how to communicate with our mind and body using words, tone, facial expressions and body language. But how often do we connect on a heart and soul level, expressing our higher truth, love and understanding?

Communicating from the mind offers a rational, logical perspective, but on its own it can lead to judgmental opinions and right and wrong arguments. Sharing feelings brings intimacy, but it can also lead to emotional reactions and outbursts that are hurtful if not balanced with a heart and soul connection.

When we speak from the heart we go beyond mind body communication. We transcend the intellect’s need to be rational and right, and we go deeper than the body’s emotional reactions. Being connected with our heart connects us with love and compassion so we are less likely to say something hurtful or invalidating. We speak honestly from a place of peace instead of conflict.

Soul to soul communication supports us to see the bigger picture; we don’t get caught in minor disputes. And we understand there is so much more going than what appears to be with major disputes. We know deep inside that every relationship offers opportunities for love, growth, and healing. Instead of blaming or feeling victimized, we own our part and feel empowered to resolve issues.

How to Communicate from the Heart and Soul

As you communicate with someone else, move past their appearance, role and personality quirks in order to connect with their heart and soul. Try the following suggestions.

~ Place a focus on your heart as you listen and speak to others and notice how this affects the conversation.

~ Before entering a difficult discussion, close your eyes, take a few relaxing breaths, place your hand over your heart and ask your heart what it wants regarding the upcoming conversation. Keep that in mind during the dialogue.

~ Center within yourself and become aware of yourself as a spiritual being, then look into the other’s eyes and connect with their soul.

~ If communication has broken down between you and another, imagine a conversation between the two of you. Envision an image of them standing a few feet in front of you. Look past surface appearances and see the soul within. Say what you need to say from your heart and soul, and then listen and sense their response. Even though it may seem like it is all made up, you are connecting with them on a soul level and this can help to resolve disputes.

Practice communicating from the heart and soul with every one you encounter. Each time you greet a friend, family member, neighbor or stranger, remember they are a spiritual being in a human body. Say hello to their heart and soul as well as their mind and body.

Learn to say “no” to family without feeling guilty and set yourself free.

There’s something about family that makes it hard to say “no” to requests, favors, and pressures of various kinds. Somewhere along the line we’ve all been programmed with rules around family loyalty, obligations and duty.

Yet saying “yes” to something that doesn’t feel right, good, or truly helpful can’t be appropriate. So why do we feel guilty? What stops us from honoring ourselves, our higher truth, and our gut feeling about situations when it involves family? It’s the old “blood is thicker than water” slogan we’ve been fed all these years.

Centuries ago when tribes and families needed to stick together in order to survive it made sense to put family above all else. Nowadays with the level of family dysfunction, creating healthy boundaries is more supportive to all involved.

It isn’t always in the best interest to attend family gatherings, support struggling family members, or put family needs ahead of your own. Taking a break from family events creates an opportunity for roles and family dynamics to shift. Allowing a sibling to learn from their mistakes supports their long term growth rather than a quick bailout. And honoring your needs and values sets an example for everyone else to learn from.

How to Say “No” to Family Without Feeling Guilty

Here is a four-step process to try the next time you are asked for a favor or request by a family member.

1. Ask yourself what you want. Many people jump in to say “yes” without first asking themselves if they want to say “yes” or “no”. Pause for a moment and center within yourself to access your higher truth. If you need more time, tell the family member you’ll think about it and get back to them later. Then ask yourself, “Do I really want to do this?” Your mind may rattle off with a list of family obligations, so thank it and then listen to your body. What does your gut tell you? What does your intuition say? Put a hand over your heart and ask for its guidance.

2. Honor your values and principles. If guilt starts to creep in, persuading you to say “yes” when you really want to say “no”, stay true to your values and principles. If honesty is one of your principles, be honest. If you value peace and harmony, and attending a family gathering will be chaotic and stressful, honor your values. If self-responsibility is important to you, then doing ongoing favors or bailouts is a disservice to you and others. Let your values and principles guide your decisions.

3. Allow family members to grow and evolve. Playing the same family role in a dysfunctional family only perpetuates dysfunction, but breaking tradition wakes people up and creates space for change. If not attending a gathering is going to upset others, perhaps it’s in their best interest. If saying “no” to a struggling family member provides an opportunity for them to learn from their own mistakes, then that supports healing and growth. Do what is in the highest and best interest of all involved (especially you).

4. Communicate from the heart and soul. Sometimes when people want to say “no” they feel they have to be hard and firm about it, but this can come across as cold and uncaring. Own your power to stand your ground, but communicate from a place of love and compassion. This will help others hear you without resistance.

Play with this four-step process as a way to help you say “no” to family without feeling guilty.