To communicate with your wife, listen with your heart.
Men and women communicate differently. Men tend to think in linear terms, carrying on a conversation as though it’s a mathematical equation. This plus this equals that; end of story. When two men have a conversation, one man speaks at a time, conveying his specific concept. When he’s finished, the other man pauses and then adds his perspective.
Women communicate on a broader scale, weaving several concepts together into one grand design. When two women converse, they share ideas back and forth, often without pausing. It’s a dance where two women find a common rhythm for their words to flow between each other.
It’s no wonder that women and men communicate differently, given our historical background. In the hunting and gathering days, men were genetically prepared for stalking prey. To do this, men had to be able to focus on one thing at a time and tune out all other distractions. Women, on the other hand, were back at the fort raising children. Their senses were fine tuned for focusing on the task at hand while at the same time being aware of any nearby danger or approaching predators. Hence, women’s ability to multitask and men’s difficulty in following a detailed, elaborate conversation.
Add to the mix that women have been raised to nurture, soothe and comfort while men are traditionally raised to solve problems and keep emotions hidden. Communicating with your spouse is like speaking two different languages. Unless one learns to speak their partner’s dialect there are bound to be communication problems between spouses.
If you are a man who is interested communicating with your wife easily, try the following suggestions.
How to Communicate with a Woman
Allow her to vent. If your wife is upset, all she may need is to express her feelings. Rather than trying to solve her problems, offer her your ear of support. Once she feels heard, she will naturally find her own solutions, or the two of you can brainstorm together.
Listen with your whole body. When a woman speaks, she’s not just conveying words; she’s communicating emotion, tone and meaning. Don’t just listen with your ears; listen with all of your senses. What does her body say? She may be saying she’s fine, but does she look fine or does she look sad or angry. What feelings and sensations are triggered in you as she speaks? What is your intuition telling you? Don’t just take her at her word – read her body language and tone.
Ask for clarification. If you’re confused by what she says or how her words don’t match her tone or body language, ask her how she feels. Tell her what you see or sense (in a non-judgmental way, but with curiosity) and ask her if this is true for her. Show a deeper interest in what she is trying to convey.
Speak from your heart. Women like to connect on a heart and soul level. When you converse with your wife, step out of your analyzer and into your heart. Along with sharing your ideas and thoughts, share your feelings, passions and longings. Share personal stories from the perspective of how you felt, what was triggered in you, what you learned, and how you grew as a result of the experience.
Allow the conversation to flow. Let go of the need to fully complete your thought or story picture. Allow your wife to interject with her thoughts and ideas, trusting that you will get an opportunity to pick up where you left off. Enjoy the flow of conversation more than your opinions, and communication with your spouse will be effortless.
As you learn to speak and listen with your heart and soul, you will be communicating with your wife easily in no time.
Do you have any questions or comments on how to communicate with your wife? Please share below.