How to Communicate with Your Wife Easily

To communicate with your wife, listen with your heart.

Men and women communicate differently. Men tend to think in linear terms, carrying on a conversation as though it’s a mathematical equation. This plus this equals that; end of story. When two men have a conversation, one man speaks at a time, conveying his specific concept. When he’s finished, the other man pauses and then adds his perspective.

Women communicate on a broader scale, weaving several concepts together into one grand design. When two women converse, they share ideas back and forth, often without pausing. It’s a dance where two women find a common rhythm for their words to flow between each other.

It’s no wonder that women and men communicate differently, given our historical background. In the hunting and gathering days, men were genetically prepared for stalking prey. To do this, men had to be able to focus on one thing at a time and tune out all other distractions. Women, on the other hand, were back at the fort raising children. Their senses were fine tuned for focusing on the task at hand while at the same time being aware of any nearby danger or approaching predators. Hence, women’s ability to multitask and men’s difficulty in following a detailed, elaborate conversation.

Add to the mix that women have been raised to nurture, soothe and comfort while men are traditionally raised to solve problems and keep emotions hidden. Communicating with your spouse is like speaking two different languages. Unless one learns to speak their partner’s dialect there are bound to be communication problems between spouses.

If you are a man who is interested communicating with your wife easily, try the following suggestions.

How to Communicate with a Woman

Allow her to vent. If your wife is upset, all she may need is to express her feelings. Rather than trying to solve her problems, offer her your ear of support. Once she feels heard, she will naturally find her own solutions, or the two of you can brainstorm together.

Listen with your whole body. When a woman speaks, she’s not just conveying words; she’s communicating emotion, tone and meaning. Don’t just listen with your ears; listen with all of your senses. What does her body say? She may be saying she’s fine, but does she look fine or does she look sad or angry. What feelings and sensations are triggered in you as she speaks? What is your intuition telling you? Don’t just take her at her word – read her body language and tone.

Ask for clarification. If you’re confused by what she says or how her words don’t match her tone or body language, ask her how she feels. Tell her what you see or sense (in a non-judgmental way, but with curiosity) and ask her if this is true for her. Show a deeper interest in what she is trying to convey.

Speak from your heart. Women like to connect on a heart and soul level. When you converse with your wife, step out of your analyzer and into your heart. Along with sharing your ideas and thoughts, share your feelings, passions and longings. Share personal stories from the perspective of how you felt, what was triggered in you, what you learned, and how you grew as a result of the experience.

Allow the conversation to flow. Let go of the need to fully complete your thought or story picture. Allow your wife to interject with her thoughts and ideas, trusting that you will get an opportunity to pick up where you left off. Enjoy the flow of conversation more than your opinions, and communication with your spouse will be effortless.

As you learn to speak and listen with your heart and soul, you will be communicating with your wife easily in no time.

Do you have any questions or comments on how to communicate with your wife? Please share below.

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Dear Readers,

I am not able to be on the computer much these days due to my current activities, so I won't be able to respond to comments very often.

I encourage you though, to use the comment section as a place to share your experience, read about others' and to respond to and support each other with your situations.

Take care,

Gini

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4 Responses to How to Communicate with Your Wife Easily

  1. jerod says:

    Hello, my name is Jerod and I need help communicating with my wife. I tend to ask questions to start out a conversation with her like what are you doing?, or where are you at?, or whats wrong?. I can see where she gets mad, but I guess thats how conversations have been started towards me and I picked up that habit. I really need help communicating because she doesnt like a silent moment and neither do I.

  2. ginigrey says:

    Hello Jerod,

    Here’s something to try – when you see your wife pause for a moment to notice how you feel about her, if you have a feeling of love or appreciation, share that with her. At other times, instead of asking a question, share something about yourself such as your highs or lows of the day, your feelings about life at this time, your dreams and aspirations. And if you ask questions, try asking a slightly deeper question. So instead of asking what’s wrong, notice if she seems sad, angry, apathetic etc. and then ask something like “do you need a hug, you seem sad,” or “you look angry, are you feeling upset at something?” Make sure to ask from a sincere place of interest, not from a defensive place (as though she’s mad at you) or from a robotic place (saying it ‘right’). Basically, be yourself and speak what’s in your heart more than what’s in your head (which means taking a moment to listen to your heart before speaking).

    Good luck with it,

    Gini

  3. Richie cook says:

    My wife an I are on the verge of devorice. She and i was not totally in love with each other when we got married . Twelve years later and two kids. She had enough of not feeling loved. She tried to tell me but I didn’t see that at first she was right. I made things worse by not listening to what she wonted an that was space an to talk about the problem. So we been fighting instead. Now I’m thing to talk to her an we can’t
    communicate at all . I see where I went wrong an she says it is to late that I had my chance. This has made me wont her like I never seen but she dont wont me . Any ideas.

  4. Gini Grey says:

    Hello Richie,

    There’s an interesting phenomena that happens when one person pulls their energy and attention out of a relationship – it sometimes creates a pull for the other person to want them more (hence your strong desire to be with your wife now that she’s not interested). Your wife may really want out of the marriage or she may not and if you pull your energy away and stop pursuing her, she may take a step closer to you to close the gap. Read this article and see if it helps http://ginigrey.com/LoveBug/stop-pursuing-to-create-intimacy-in-a-romantic-relationship/.

    Another article which may be helpful is:
    http://ginigrey.com/LoveBug/how-to-save-your-marriage-without-marriage-counseling/

    All the best with it,

    Gini

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