How to Have Closure When a Friendship Ends

Having closure when a friendship ends brings peace of mind.

Friends come and go in our lives. Some leave a lasting imprint on our hearts while others leave a bitter taste in our mouth. Regardless of the reasons why a friendship has ended – due to betrayal, drifting apart, or a misunderstanding – it helps to have closure in order to move on.

Until we understand what really happened, or can communicate our differences and find forgiveness, an irritation nags within, reminding us it’s not over yet. Here are several suggestions to explore as a way to have closure when a friendship ends.

Be honest with yourself. If your friend suddenly ended your friendship or you drifted apart for unknown reasons, you might feel offended or slighted as though your friend is judging you. Relationships take the investment of time, commitment and energy of two people. Be honest with yourself and explore if on some level you wanted the friendship to end. When two people are no longer a fit, the relationship has to come to an end or both people suffer. This awareness may set you free.

Take responsibility for your part. When a friendship is over but doesn’t feel complete, it may be because you haven’t owned your part in the ending. It’s easy to blame another for what they did or didn’t do, but it’s more challenging to face yourself and look at what you contributed to the mix. As you take responsibility (from a place of compassion and self-forgiveness) for anything you might have done or said that triggered your friend or added to the chain of events, you will see the whole picture and feel complete.

Write a letter to your friend. Perhaps you’ve been honest with yourself and owned your part but you still feel incomplete, as though the end of a story was cut from the page. Writing a letter can help you to gain clarity and release what you need to say. Start with a draft letter so you can pour your heart and feelings out uncensored. Let this stir within you for a day and then do another draft. Continue with this process until you are clear about what you want to communicate (and can do it from a non-blaming way). At this point you may feel complete and not need to send the letter, or you may want to talk to the friend in person, or send the letter – listen to your intuition.

Have a soul to soul communication. It isn’t always appropriate to send a letter or talk to a friend about why the friendship ended. If this is the case, you can still communicate with them on a higher, spiritual level. Within each person is a spiritual being that sees and knows the bigger picture beyond what the mind and body can understand. Take some time to turn inward and center within your spiritual self. Imagine your friend is sitting or standing a few feet in front of you. From your heart and soul, tell them how you feel. Then listen to or sense their response. Continue with this until you feel complete and then let them go.

Make an energetic separation. When we come together with another person, our energies mix together. If we don’t have clear energetic boundaries, we may take on too much of their energy or give ours away. Once the friendship is over, we may still have our energy in their space and theirs in ours. To make an energy separation, turn inward and connect to your spiritual self. Intentionally call back all of your energy out of your friend’s space and bring it back into your own. Release your friend’s energy out of your space and send it lovingly back to them.

I hope these suggestions help you to gain clarity, find forgiveness, and end your friendship peacefully so you can move forward easily.

 If you have any questions or additional insights on how to have closure when a friendship ends, please share below.

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Dear Readers,

I am not able to be on the computer much these days due to my current activities, so I won't be able to respond to comments very often.

I encourage you though, to use the comment section as a place to share your experience, read about others' and to respond to and support each other with your situations.

Take care,


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One Response to How to Have Closure When a Friendship Ends

  1. Annie says:

    I had a problem with a friend and I still can’t get over it. A friend asked me in class if I needed glasses since I was squinting a little and I answered, “I don’t want glasses because people with glasses can get marks next to their eyes.” That girl wears glasses and she thought I said she has marks on her eyes and I was talking about her. She said in a slight joking way that she’s mad at me. Then I said I’m sorry but then the class ended and she just left. Then in another class, she wasn’t really mad but she kept on mentioning the incident to me. She was like I can’t believe you said that. I was saying sorry constantly to her since I don’t like it when people are mad at me. Then class ended and we had to go home so she didn’t say anything. Then after school, I told a friend who is also friends with the girl who was mad at me the story. She was laughing and she thought that the girl who’s mad would be joking and forgive me.

    The next day in class, I went up to the girl who was mad and she was slightly more mad today. She was ignoring me and she wouldn’t talk to me at all. If I asked her if she can forgive me she would say no and go away. I told her that I didn’t need to say anything rude and I wasn’t talking about you. She was still mad. She didn’t want to work with me in class. So after school, I told my other friend and she just said the girl who was mad at me was not in a good mood today.

    So the next day, she was way more mad. She wasn’t talking to me at all. Then suddenly, she was saying a few words to me and I was talking normally to her.

    The next day, she was really mad. She took a big book and blocked her face so I couldn’t see her and another girl saw and she knew what was happening between us and said we both are acting like five years olds. I told the girl who was mad at me that we both are acting like five years olds and we should just stop and talk to each again like how we use to. She wasn’t listening to me and I got frustrated with her and said I’m not acting like a five year old, you are. But she still wouldn’t talk to me. I regretted saying that. Then in the next class, the girl who was mad at me’s best friend came up to me and said why are you bothering my best friend. Why did you call her ugly? That’s so mean. I replied, I’m not bothering her now and she won’t have to be bothered anymore. Plus, I never called her ugly. I honestly never said that. That girl’s best friend was just quiet and then went to her seat. The girl who was mad at me would not talk and work with me the whole day. I told me after school friend and she said that the other girl is really mad and said that I think I’m cool, smarter than her, and I think she’s ugly. My after school friend said she doesn’t understand why the other girl is mad at me.

    So every time I see her now, she ignores me and tries talking to my friends. Some of my friends are also her friends. But some of my friends think that I didn’t say anything wrong and don’t really talk to her. But the girl who is mad at me sees my after school friend outside of school since they have the same religion. Every time my after school friend sees the girl who is mad at me, the girl who is mad at me talks about me and tries to get my after school friend and other people on her side. She is saying lies about me to people. I use to give the girl who’s mad a lot of stuff like homework help and pencils and pencil lead and other stuff but she’s mad at me. I feel really bad for what I did. I might have one class with her this year. My after school friend tried to convince the girl who’s mad to forgive me but she said she never would in her life. I feel like she’s trying to take everything I have away from me especially my friends. I feel like she wants me to feel miserable. I feel really guilty, lonely, bad, and sad for what I did and what I said. I never say I’m cool and stuff like that but what she said and did hit me really hard. The girl who’s mad at me made my after school friend say what I said about her or else she wouldn’t be friends with her. My after school friend just said that she thought you over-reacted. The girl who’s mad at me also said that she hopes that she doesn’t get classes with me. Sorry for the long comment. Help?

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