How to Move on Once a Friendship is Over

Once a friendship is over – really over – it’s time to let go and create new relationships.

It’s not easy to move on from a friendship if your friend filled an important role in your life or if this was your closest friend. Yet holding onto the past and wishing the present was different will only cause suffering.

I was inspired to write this article as a result of the many readers who shared their heartfelt experiences after reading the article, Why Friends Drift Apart and Friendships End. It’s seems the most challenging part of letting go of a friendship is coming to terms with why it ended. There’s often a missing piece that hasn’t been communicated that makes it difficult to move on. Yet at some point it’s important to let go in order to find inner peace. I hope the following insights help.

Feel the Loss of Friendship

When a relationship ends, it’s a death which triggers a grieving process. It’s much easier to move on once the shock, anger and sadness have been felt and processed. Explore various ways to process and release charged emotions.

Sharing with a friend might help, as might journaling or nurturing your hurt inner child. As you touch into painful feelings notice what memories surface. Current experiences often piggyback on earlier trauma. Did the end of the friendship trigger unhealed issues around neglect, abandonment, or rejection? As you bring your loving awareness to these old wounds and express the emotions, the current experience will lighten as well.

Consciously moving through the grieving process will support you to get to a place of acceptance. This will free you up to make new friends.

Be Grateful for the Gifts of Friendship

When a friendship is over, we often focus on what’s missing in our life instead of being grateful for what we gained. When we see all the gifts we received from our long or short term encounter with another human being, our spirit is lifted and we can let go a little easier.

Reflect on all of the fun, learning, healing and growth you experienced as a result of having this person in your life. Perhaps you received unconditional love and encouragement which helped you build your self-esteem. Maybe you were comforted each time you experienced a crisis. Or perhaps your friend supported you to express your gifts and talents, or helped you lighten up when darkness encroached.

Whatever gifts you received as a result of this friendship, notice how they’ve helped you to be the person you are today. Those aspects won’t go away just because your friendship ended – as you nurture them within yourself they will continue to grow and blossom.

See the Bigger Picture

Even though you may not understand why the friendship is over, know that there is a higher purpose in place. On a soul level we come together with people for reasons that we don’t always see on the surface. Once the purpose of the relationship is achieved, the friendship may end as well. On a body level it will feel painful, but on a soul level we see the bigger picture. If we use our intuition, we can discern what really happened.

For example, if a person plays the role of supporter and cheerleader to a friend’s growth and success, once this friend achieves their goal and is fully owning their power, the friendship may not be needed anymore. It may be too awkward to change roles. Or let’s say one person continually puts their friend first and plays a caretaking role. At some point when they tire of the imbalance they will naturally shift their focus. If their friend doesn’t adjust to the new healthier dynamic, the friendship will be over because the two people don’t resonate at the same level anymore.

To gain a better understanding of why your friendship ended and see the bigger picture, turn off your analyzer, sink into your body, and listen to your heart and soul for insights.

I hope these suggestions help you to find inner peace. Please share in the comment section if you have any questions or further insights on how to move on once a friendship is over.

Click Here for a Complimentary Audio Session on Experiencing True Compassion by Gini Grey


Click Below for a Complimentary Report on How to Save Your Marriage Without Marriage Counseling

Fix Your Marriage



Dear Readers,

I am not able to be on the computer much these days due to my current activities, so I won't be able to respond to comments very often.

I encourage you though, to use the comment section as a place to share your experience, read about others' and to respond to and support each other with your situations.

Take care,

Gini

This entry was posted in Friendships and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

24 Responses to How to Move on Once a Friendship is Over

  1. Still "Unsure" What To Think says:

    Hi Gini…
    I hope you had a great holiday :) I’m sorry for being a pain..

    I’m still finding the loss of my friend hard to let go because I wish I knew if his gradual distance that led us to No contact (now week 7 ) is because of some sort of depression where he had a bleak outlook on life (often considered himself as a “failure”, stopped enjoying activities he once enjoyed, etc..). Mutual aquaintances have not talked to him in a while either…longer time than me. However, on the other hand, I contemplate if his gradual distance was to spare me of a future “disappearance” he had already planned? He told me in the past he sometimes disappears,tho at the time things were great between us so I never asked why. He had mentioned before that he was “bored” with life in general, but denied being bored with our friendship.. at that time. I worry that he become bored and decided to leave permanently. I know others mentioned his doing thisbefore but that he always “reappears”. However, where our friendship was more personal and intense than a “chat” aquaintance, Do you think he is gone for good? What do you honestly believe?

    Thanx
    Unsure

  2. Gini Grey says:

    Hello Unsure,

    There really is no way to know for sure what is going on within another – you can trust your intuition on it, your heart, your gut etc., but by going over it in your mind will only create more of the same. Our minds don’t like to let go of puzzles, but letting them go is a great exercise in practicing letting go of mind dominance all together.

    If you can let go of the past – enjoy what you received from the freindship, but let it go as it is gone (and if he returns it will be from a new space) – then you will find more inner peace. If you continue to mull it all over, wondering what happened etc. you will build the level of confusion within you (what we focus on grows). So it’s really your choice how you want to handle this.

    When you are in the “moment” whether he is in your life or not in it, you can enjoy wherever you are, so how about letting go of wondering what’s going on with him, and instead enjoy yourself wheverer you are in the moment – if he shows up, great, if not, that can be great too if you are enjoying your life.

    Take care,

    Gini

  3. A confused man says:

    Gini,

    I’m not sure what’s going on with my friend and I…she helped me out a lot when I was down, her support was like a lifeline to hold on to..and now, she seems to be avoiding me. In my paranoia, I’ve thought of many reasons, each of them more unlikely than the rest.

    She said she had some problems, and I wanted to help her out in any way possible…she asked for some space, but I was too stubborn and kept asking her… Could that have led to this? Or am I being an idiot? Either way, she’s not speaking to me any more, and she doesn’t respond when I text her. She doesn’t answer calls either.

    She seems normal with other people though. Is my friendship over? Is she gone for good?

    Thanks

  4. Gini Grey says:

    Hello confused man,

    I’m glad you recognize that your many reasons of why your friend is avoiding you are connected to paranoia, as that is all it probably is. The mind wants to solve things and looks for all reasons which don’t necessarily have anything to do with reality – recognzing this is freedom from it.

    But from what you’ve said it seems to me that she has asked for space, and as you said, you you stubbornly kept asking her if she needed help and now she is avoiding you in order to get some space.

    If she felt like a lifeline to you, it may have become overwhelming for her. Imagine someone hanging on to you as a life line – it’s okay for a brief time but after a while it can drag you down. If she then had her own problems, this would add extra weight to her life. Even if you wanted to switch roles and be the helper or life line for her, she still may need space from you to find herself again. When we get over involved in anothers life and their problems we sometimes lose our energy to them and need space to reclaim it. It’s nothing personal, but each person needs their own time and space to rejuvante from other people or specific people we’ve spent to much focus and energy on.

    My suggestion would be to give her some space by letting go of contacting her and thinking about her (as even that is energetically draining for you and she may feel it as a pull on her without consciously knowing it) and focus on your own life for a while. Then see if she contacts you. If not, give it a month or so and then contact her from a place of no pressure, just checking in.

    By that time she may feel more balanced and miss your friendship, if not then the friendship may be over and all you can do is accept it, grieve the loss and move forward as you feel ready.

    Take care,

    Gini

  5. Unsure What To Think says:

    Hi Gini :)

    Long time no post here, lol

    (I know i have posts all over this place, mainly in the category, When a friend is distant…)

    Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that it’s been several months since my “distant” friend actually disapeared without any warning or closure. Although things were as normal, as they had been since his becoming distant, the last night we chatted with good night pleasantries. But, I have yet, to hear from him since. I’ve sent messenger and fb offlines, as well as emails but have gotten no response. I believe he is using an alternative email which I don’t have. I’m not sure he’s even checked his messages and I think his yahoo account may be closed due to lack of inactivity, where he only chatted with me under that account.

    It still hurts and I am still sad. I have good days, as well as bad days still when I try to understand. Othewise, I am busy with other things in my life.

    I am posting today to let you know I have recently read the book The Secret, as well as watched the dvd. I am fascinated with The Law of Attraction. Do you believe LOA can help in these type of situation..or any relationship matter?

    Since I have not had any response. I have also sent virtual letters of understanding energetically to him, without actually sending..and positive affirmations.

    Although I do believe that LOA can work. I think I am having a hard time making it work for me because of negative thoughts and energy. I understand the concept of Ask, Believe and Recieve. However, I have a hard time actually believing that I can have something that seems so far in the distance. And, as you can see, I have a hard time with letting go…delaying the detachment phase. Even though I have read many of the articles in here, as well as elsewhere, Do you have any personal advice to make it easier. Alot of advice is easier said than done, as I am still emotionally vested.

    I noticed my situation seems similar to that of confused man, who posted previously. Best wishes for a happy outcome to him in his situation! :)

    Thanks again!
    Still..Unsure

  6. Gini Grey says:

    Hello Unsure,

    I loved the secret when it came out – you also may be interested in reading or listening to Esther and Jerry Hicks work with Abraham on LOA – they suggest great tools to use.

    With LOA, it’s not about manifesting a relationship with a specific person as you can’t create for others, but it would mean reflecting on the qualities you want in a partner and relationship – visualizing it, but most importantly feeling into the energy of it and then letting it go (I have some info on my main website on this topic – http://ginigrey.com/creating/manifesting.htm). Then you will attract a partner who matches this energy. So I don’t really see it working with your friend, other than if you intend for clear communication or closure and let it go to your higher self to arrange the details and see what happens. Letting go of attachment to the outcome is a key component though – if we hold on to a perfect picture of it, or how it will happen, we limit all the bigger possibilities.

    Good luck with it,

    Gini

  7. Unsure What To Think says:

    Hi Gini :)

    I will definitely check out your original site. Thank you! :)

    I also came across another site, suggesting the same, that you can not attract a specific person into your life. (Ironically, I saw your name as a member, tho am not sure it’s actually you since another states they are Bob_Proctor, tho I don’t believe it is)

    However, another LOA site I came across believes it is possible to do so , as there are many articles suggesting so. Below is a incerpt of one of the posts relating to this subject on that other site. I believe it to be true, possibly found in any relationship guru’s self help book. Please read the following and tell me what you think of this segment of the post regarding this subject.


    ***PART 2: WHAT ABOUT YOUR EX’S RIGHT TO FREE WILL?***

    A lot of posts seem to be overly concerned with the Free Will thinga-ma-bob.

    Yes, free will exists. Yes, your ex has free will. GASP! That really shouldn’t be a news flash! You really think you’re going to overpower your ex’s God-given right of free will just because the LOA says you can have anything you want? Umm…if it were that clear-cut, you’d have them already.

    FREE WILL DOES NOT NEGATE THE LAW OF ATTRACTION!!!

    It’s simply puts into effect what I would call a different condition of the Law. For instance, in physics, it is shown that gravity affects all object the same in a vacuum. But when you add atmosphere, gravity appears to work differently on objects of different mass. In truth, it doesn’t. It’s working the same. There are just other forces at work that you didn’t take into account. It’s the same with the Law of Attraction. It’s still working even when the will of another independent free agent is at work. You just aren’t accounting for those other forces.

    When using the Law with people, we must understand that it all about influencing that person to freely exercise their will to be attracted to you. You never want to override someone’s power of free will. To do so would be the antithesis of love. Instead, you want to evolve into a version of yourself that would powerfully influence your ex-lover to CHOOSE to see the attractive qualities in you again. This means focusing on YOU! NOT THEM!”

    As always,
    thanks again!
    Still… Unsure (but getting stronger every day) :)

  8. hurt man says:

    Hi Gini :(

    I called her a few days ago. I think that my friendship with my best friend may have come to an end :(

    Thanks for your help though. I handled the situation better than I would have.

    Thanks,
    Hurt (formerly confused)

  9. Gini Grey says:

    Hello Hurt,

    That’s sad to hear that your friendship is over but good that you handled it better than you thought you would have. While sadness, grief and hurt are painful, they give us the opportunity to soothe and love ourselves and become stronger within.

    Take care of yourself,

    Gini

  10. Emma says:

    I’ve known two of my friends since i was 7. its six years later and i thought we were still friends. Because they’re both a year older than me they moved up a stage in dancing. I figured that’s why we drifted apart but then the eye rolling and started and the ignoring me. They thought i wasn;t good enough for them but then when i moved up they started talking to me again. then a couple of weeks ago they found out that i thought they hated me and they were crying and apoligising and telling me how awful they felt and that they loved me but yesterday the eye rolling started again. My mum says i’m overeacting. Am i? is it all in my head?

  11. Kathleen says:

    Hi Gini,

    I’m having a very difficult time letting go of my friendship. We haven’t spoken in almost a year, but I think of her often. We met when we were in high school in 2001 and became best friends quickly. We both felt like we were soul mates, we even used to finish each other’s sentences. We were born a day apart, although she was born half-way across the country. She was the sister I never had. After that first year we became friends in high school (junior year) she moved away to Texas to finish high school. We still remained best friends, even though she was living in Texas and I was living in NH, all throughout college and a couple years after. We even seemed to lead parallel lives, going through similar things at the same time, or just a couple of months off. And the last thing we both went through that was similar was getting into an abusive relationship. Mine lasted 10 months, and then I broke up with him in October of 2010, and then she told me a few months after that her boyfriend was controlling and abusive too. Her relationship ended with her in the hospital and her getting a restraining order on him in October of 2011. And so I went out there to see her to help her, but by this point our friendship had been dysfunctional for a few years because I kind of took on the caretaker/teacher role. Her life was always a mess, and I hated worrying about her. I always tried to be nurturing about it and tried to help build up her self-esteem, but I think after a while she thought of me as judgmental. But after I got back from helping her out, which included scrubbing her splattered blood from all of the walls, packing all of her ex’s things, cleaning he whole house, de-roaching the place, buying her groceries, doing her laundry (it wasn’t even her that called me out there, it was her parents–I don’t even think she wanted me to know), she never returned my phone calls for two weeks, and so I figured she resented me and didn’t want to hear from me–so I stopped trying. I figured I would give her space and she would call me when she was comfortable. She never called me again. (In fact, for a few years, it was mostly me that was calling her, and for a couple years starting in maybe 2007 she stopped always answering my calls and sometimes didn’t call me back. I think that’s when I started noticing a rift in our friendship.) But after she ended her abusive relationship I saw that she was doing well on facebook so I was happy for her. But recently I saw that she is back together with this abuser, and seeing her photos pop up on facebook has been causing me to remember the connection we once had. And I keep thinking, maybe she feels that I abandoned her? My mind keeps wanting to repair the friendship because I miss her and care about her, but I know in my heart that she doesn’t care to hear from me because of how our friendship was dysfunctional for so long. I went to therapy for about 7 months after I got out of my own abusive relationship, so I’m confident that I can change my own behavioral patterns now if we ever rekindled our friendship. I guess I keep getting my hopes up that maybe she feels hurt and I should reach out and contact her. From what I understand, both her and her then-abusive boyfriend have given up alcohol, but I still think he may be a bit controlling because she’s different still. She doesn’t comment on people’s posts as much or use facebook as much as she has in the past. She only stopped using it when she started dating him the first time, and it seems like that is happening again. Anyway, I’m just not sure how to let go when my mind keeps telling me to reach out in case she feels that I abandoned her. I’m not sure how to squelch this last remaining hope without de-friending her on facebook, which then if I did that I would feel like such a butt head because what if I was wrong all this time and she needs a good friend because she’s back with that abuser? I always promised I would be there for her, and I want to be, but I feel that she has pushed me away and I don’t want to keep hurting her if that’s why she pushed me away.

    Sincerely,
    Confused and in Pain

  12. Gini Grey says:

    Hello Emma,

    It doesn’t sound like what is happening is all in your head – you are seeing and sensing their behavior towards you. But how you react to it is up to you. Some young people can be fickle about friendships – one day they are your best friend, the next they don’t know you. It’s more about them than you – their moods etc. The fact that they judged you and your friendship based on what status you have in dance suggests they have a shallow view of friendship. But because they cried about the situation later, sounds like they do care.

    All you can do is be yourself and enjoy all of life and not take other people’s behavior too seriously as it changes day to day. Over time you will attract friends who have a more stable friendship that you can count on. In the meantime, be your own best friend.

    Take care,

    Gini

  13. Gini Grey says:

    Hello Kathleen,

    I can understand your heart pull towards your friend, and I do see the previous codependant pattern you mentioned. If you have grown, but your friend has not grown at the same pace, this may explain why she doesn’t feel the friendship is a fit. It doesn’t sound like you abandoned her, and if your pull towards her is based on wanting to be there for her, there still could be some codependant issues at play.

    But if you truly miss her and want to resume your friendship, you could try writing her a letter, emailing her or phoning her and asking if she wants to resume it. You could ask her if she felt abandoned by you or not – being honest my be helpful. You will be able to tell by her response if she is interested, hurt, or avoiding you.

    In terms of letting her go though, notice what it was you enjoyed about being with her and see if you can give that to yourself somehow as a way to ease missing her.

    Hope this helps,

    Gini

  14. Franny says:

    Hi Gini,

    I’m currently grieving the loss of a friendship. It’s been 9 months since my best friend and business partner cut me out of the startup we created and said he no longer wanted me in his life. I have done my best to move on, have fun and make friends but cant seem to stop thinking of him daily. His words to end it hurt. I have made a few attempts to reach out to no avail. I recently ran into him at an event. I think we were both surprised to see each other but when he made eye contact, turned his head away and kept going. Seeing him for the first time in months has brought back all those hurtful feelings from the beginning.

    Any advice?

  15. Gini Grey says:

    Hello Franny,

    Interesting timing for your comment as I just posted an article on greiving the loss of a frienship:

    ~ http://ginigrey.com/LoveBug/grieving-the-loss-of-a-friendship/

    Read it over and see if it helps. There are some other article links in it which will also help such as having closure once a friendship ends.

    The best thing I know for getting over someone is to feel all the feelings that come up while getting out of the head (so let go of the story part and move into your body and let it cry, be angry etc. until it feels release). Ruminating over things only fuels it, but feeling the emotions and then letting them go really helps over time. Give yourself lots of time and patience to grieve and see if you can forgive your friend as well as that may help you to let go.

    Take care,

    Gini

  16. Rene says:

    Hi Gini,

    so i’m writing this on my birthday. i feel so alone. i had a friend, a best friend. she was my cousin. and i loved her more than anything. our friendship ended abruptly, almost 2, 3 years ago. yet even now i still feel the sting as if it were yesterday. the worst part is that she is family..she is my cousin and so i still have to see her from time to time at family functions.
    our friendship ended because of a horrible event that i’d rather not get in to but it involves the law. and she got punished for it and in the end i believe she resents me for it.
    our friendship prior to the event was not perfect either, so what happened was kind of the end-all for us.
    since the event, which was two years ago, we did make up for a little while. we spoke on the phone, we kept in touch.
    then one day, she inexplicably blocked me from all social media and renounced our friendship. i honestly can say that i don’t know why she did so.

    what saddens me is that i really gave my all to her. she is a social butterfly, with a lot of friends and a sister with whom she is super close to. I on the other hand, have a few close friends and am not super close to my siblings.
    with her, i’ve always felt that even though i had a “best” friend, i wasn’t number 1 to her. and that is what saddened me the most. that i could be so close to someone and still not have them regard me in the same importance.
    and so when our friendship ended i really sank into a deep depression. i felt as if i was alone in the world. truly, and completely alone.
    and when we would go to parties, i would see her and she would be smiling and laughing and it made me feel horrible.
    my point is, i need to know how to move on.
    i’ve tried to make new girlfriends..but i’m in my 20′s and everyone has their own group of friends. i don’t feel as if though i can connect with anyone except for the best friend i lost.
    it’s a terribly empty feeling.

    -Rene

  17. Gini Grey says:

    Happy belated Birthday, Rene. I know how sad it is to lose a close friend, especially when they end it abruptly – it leaves the head in confusion and the heart feeling suddenly empty.

    It sounds like it’s been quite some time since the friendship ended, yet you are still missing her and haven’t had closure on some level. You mentioned you gave your all to her. This makes me think that you haven’t reclaimed yourself back for your self so to speak. This experience as painful as it is, may be a great opportunity for learning to give your all to yourself first. Not in a selfish way, but in a loving way where you don’t bend over for others or become dependent on them. To fill the empty spot within with yourself.

    We each have a well of love, amusement and joy within us, and if we tune into that and feel it we don’t feel as lost when we lose a friendship. Do what you can to fill with self love and self appreciation, and to give yourself what it is you miss most about your friendship. Then you will attract new friends who are a good match for you.

    In the meantime, if you haven’t read the article on grieving the loss of a friendship, it may help ~ http://ginigrey.com/LoveBug/grieving-the-loss-of-a-friendship/.

    Take care,

    Gini

  18. Annie says:

    Hi Gini,
    Thankyou for your wonderful article. My best friend of 20 years ended our friendship suddenly at the start of the year. I hadn’t spoken to her for a few weeks and she wasn’t returning my calls.I went over to see how she was (she was going through a tough time), and she told me she was angry at me for something I said and our friendship wasn’t worth it anymore. She didn’t tell me what I had said, and a mutual friend told me that it was more an accumulation of different things over time.
    I am still devastated even though it was 9 months ago now as I feel betrayed and rejected.
    My main stumbling block is that I have such huge fear of rejection. I’m scared that I’m a terrible friend and that I am going to ruin other friendships. I’ve had a terrible year with other friends being busy with work/family and so haven’t had a good support network. How do I convince myself that even though one friend rejected me I’m still an ok and worthwhile person?

  19. Gini Grey says:

    Hello Annie,

    I can understand you would feel rejected and betrayed; your friend didn’t explain clearly why she ended the friendship so it doesn’t seem like a way to treat a friend.

    If you’re not clear what happened (i.e. you don’t feel you did or said anything inappropriate) then perhaps it’s just your friend’s judgments or a reaction to what she is going through in her life. Not all people click, and instead sometimes trigger each other.

    All you can do is be yourself, accept yourself and accept others for who they are. This will lead to attracting friends who are a good match for you.

    Make a list of all the qualities you like about yourself, then qualities others have mentioned about you in the past that they enjoy (or that you can sense they enjoy). And remember that each person views others through their own filters of perception. So while someone might view one person as hilarious and fun to be with, another might see them as having an odd sense of humor etc. We can’t please everyone, nor need to – just enjoying life is all we have to do. So focus on being yourself and you will feel better.

    Take care,

    Gini

  20. Citizen of the world says:

    Hi Gini,

    It has been over two years now that our friendship took a turn. My friend was a core part of my life. We were so close that we shared every little detail of our lives. over the last two years, my friend started to distance himself. Our conversation got less frequent and shallower. i always voiced and questioned what was wrong. he would deny there is any change and give some lame excuse, be close for a few days then go distant again. I am so hurt and I cannot stop my pain. i have no power to end the friendship and I find no happiness in staying in it any more. I give excuses and try to be accomodating but I am hurt. I just cannot imagine my life without my friend and still keep asking myself how can he know I am hurt and just ignore my pain. Moreover why does he keep denying there is change. You know, as you say it is that missing piece that is stopping me from moving on. I need to be comforted.

  21. aggie says:

    dear Gini
    i had this great friend i had known for 8 yrs…plus we were friends with benefits, we had ups and downs, but we usually solved our differnces….however, we an intimate encounter one day, n sice then we drifted apart..he nolonger calls me, tets me…i am scared i have lost him, and it hurts me alot…what can i do?

  22. Popsicle says:

    Hello, Aggie!!

    It seems like your friend is being quite stubborn about this. Hey, you know how you both drifted apart and never really talked to him again, was it because of any personal problems he was having, or something like that?? Hmmm… I think you should not feel guilty about this… Maybe you could talk to a friend about what is going on?? Or if you don’t have another friend you can trust, maybe someone else you can rely on?? Like a teacher, parent, guardian, etc….

    Anyway, the main reason why I came here is because…. Well…. Friendship problems…

    Okay, so, there’s this girl I met back in January 2011… She was very shy at first, still is, but slowly getting over it. She is 1 year younger than me, and…. We kinda had an argument…. I kinda pulled a prank, but I didn’t mean for it to upset her or anything!! It didn’t harm her physically, but it hurt her feelings…. I felt really guilty afterwards… A day later, she forgave me… But she keeps sometimes bringing up the topic of ‘revenge’ as if she’s still secretly annoyed at me?? It wasn’t THAT bad of a prank… It was just something I did to her player on a video game!! That’s all!! The prank happened back February 2013, a few months ago earlier this year. I am so fed up because she should just learn to move on and stop being so mad at me JUST over a video game!! Back last month in May 2013, me and her had a mini argument…. It was because I was apparently ‘talking about the same thing over and over’, which I think kinda annoyed her… She’s always been a stubborn person, though. A few minutes later, we forgave each other. But… I told her that I was quite depressed last week on facebook, and all she did was “Wow this place sure is full of depressed people…” and since it was to do with my mum not being able to look after my baby sister properly, all she said was “Well you go look after your sister then, your mum can get drunk if she WANTS to!!” and then I said “ok brb I’ll be back later or something” and since I stayed logged on while I was idle looking after my sister, all I saw her saying was “Wow lonely ville sure is exciting…” in a sarcastic way….

    Not sure if I should end this friendship of ours, or to just stay friends… If I ended our friendship, I’d feel REALLY, REALLY guilty…

  23. Cookie Monster says:

    Dear Gini,

    I have lost several friendships over the years. It seems that once I start going to a different school or working someplace different (even though I live in the same place), I lose my friendships. I’ve never been able to keep people in my life. They start distancing themselves from me and one day, they drop me completely like a hot potato. I am very hurt about this and I feel like I’m cursed. Like I will never be one of those people who have a best friend or any good friends.

    I don’t know what I do wrong or if I get too clingy. Or maybe I’m not clingy enough? I can’t seem to find the root of the problem and I sure don’t know how to handle it because it feels worse every time it happens. I try to grieve the loss of these friends like one would grieve the loss of a loved one. Except these are voluntary losses. And there’s only so many times I can do this. So many broken promises I can take.

    I do know that I am one of those people who would cherish a friendship. Yet, I feel hopeless. Like it’ll never happen for me and it’ll just be me. Alone. Always.

  24. Gini Grey says:

    Hello Cookie Monster,

    That is sad to keep losing friends and not know why they are letting go of the friendship. You wondered if you were too clingy or not clingy enough which is interesting. Reflect back to see if you felt clingy (needy, fear of losing them, contacting quite frequently etc.) or the opposite (don’t feel a close connection, don’t talk about personal things, forget to contact them etc.) as that could give you some info.

    The other suggestion is to look back at your childhood relationships with your parents and significant caregivers. If any of them were distant with you or you have any early abandonment issues, this could be the key, as we often repeat old painful patterns as a way to bring them in conscious awareness so we can heal them.

    You may need to grieve some old childhood wounds, and a counselor might be helpful here.

    Otherwise, set our intention to attract loyal friends with a healthy balance (not too much or too little clinging).

    take care,

    Gini

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

*

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>