Increase self-acceptance by accepting your whole self; your talents and strengths along with your foibles and pain.
When we deny, repress or hide any aspect of our self it is akin to rejecting ourselves. The very things we want most in life include being accepted, loved and appreciated, yet we often don’t give these gifts to ourselves. To be self-acceptant means to be okay with what we are feeling, experiencing and living in each and every moment.
We are all here to grow, learn and enjoy life, and no one is perfect. Making mistakes, experiencing pain, and embarrassing ourselves are all a part of the package. If we walk around hiding certain aspects, disguising who we really are, we shrink and live a partial life. If we own all of our qualities and life experiences, we flourish and expand into our wholeness. We drop shame and embrace acceptance. We stop cringing and start laughing.
When we learn to accept ourselves fully, we discover that feeling our charged emotions releases them, acknowledging our fears and doubts reduces them, and honoring our true nature of love and joy opens us to our authentic self.
How Often do You Accept Yourself?
- What aspects of yourself do you find the easiest to accept? What parts of your physical appearance, personality, emotions, painful experiences, pleasurable sensations, reactions, skills, talents, and so on do you easily accept even if there are apparent flaws?
- What aspects of yourself do you accept the least by denying, judging or repressing? Is this a reflection of what you deem to be acceptable and not acceptable in the eyes of others such as friends, family or society in general? What would it feel like to accept yourself even when others don’t?
- What would it be like if you accepted all of yourself? What would it take for you to do this? What would you have to let go of? What would you have to embrace?
How to Increase Self-Acceptance
- Bring to your awareness all the things you like about yourself – physical qualities, personality traits, the way you interact with others, your gifts and talents. Notice how this feels when you accept and acknowledge these.
- Bring to your awareness something you have trouble accepting in yourself. It may be something physical you’ve judged, or an emotion you’ve been avoiding, or a behavior you dislike in yourself. Say hello to it with neutrality and just acknowledge its presence without judgment. Now take a step further and imagine embracing this aspect of yourself with love and acceptance. Notice how this feels to do this.
- Practice self-acceptance on a daily basis. Be aware of your bigger spiritual self that operates out of love, acceptance, and amusement. Each time you notice that you are judging yourself, switch to accepting that part of yourself. If you are repressing an emotion or thought, just say hello to it and allow it to be. Shine your true essence onto all the parts you previously rejected and notice how this lifts you up and supports you in being more free and authentic.
Do you have any questions or insights on how to increase self-acceptance? Please share below.
“What would it be like if you accepted all of yourself? What would it take for you to do this? What would you have to let go of? What would you have to embrace?” – I really enjoyed this particular point. I think it would feel wonderful of course….From my experience, as an abuse survivor, one of the things that helps you in accepting yourself is therapy. I don’t think I could have gotten to a better place without it. But once there, it was much easier to do what you’re suggesting in this article.
Hello Adam,
Thanks for your comment and for validating the positive effects of therapy for abuse survivors. It’s so important to heal the past and be free to enjoy the present.
Take care,
Gini
Thanks Gini, I appreciate that. -Adam
I enjoyed how interactive this post was. In fact, I took out my notepad and answered your questions and made lists. However, I found it hard to just look at my major faults – the ones I have trouble accepting – with neutrality and seeing how that different perspective will make me accept myself more. I feel like accepting that major fault/flaw would cause me to think it is okay to act in such a bad way. I don’t ever want to be okay with the major flaw I wrote down (it was a behavioral flaw). For instance (this is an example, not what I wrote down), if my major flaw were thoughts of killing others or raping strangers, accepting that flaw would NOT be acceptable. What do you feel about this?
Hello Memoria,
Thanks for your comments and question – this is a good area for me to clarify. I agree, that saying a major flaw is okay (in the sense it’s ok to continue with) isn’t the best thing.
I view acceptance as acknowleding what is without judment. I’ve discovered over the years with myself and clients that if a person is in judgment around their negative or unhealthy behaviors it tends to bring up shame or a punishing perspective. From this place it’s hard to release the underlying issues, heal and move onto healthier behaviors. When a person can look at their behavior and accept that it’s there without beating themselves up, it’s easier to shift it.
For example, a behavior I’m not happy with in myself is when I become controlling in my relationship with my husband. If I judge this in myself and others, I get caught in it (what we resist persists). But when I accept that it’s there with a compassionate understanding (it’s a coping mechanism I learned growing up as a way to feel safe in relationships) I can step out of it and behave in a new, healthier way. If I can laugh at myself for the behavior (which means I don’t have any negative charge around it) I can shift it easily. Over time, I’ve become less controlling as a result.
So acceptance doesn’t mean condoning the behavior, but means recognizing that we are not the behavior – it’s how we relate or behave – and that we all make mistakes and have imperfections. I believe that from this place of acceptance comes compassion, forgiveness and self-love which supports us to let go of whacky behaviors and allow our true nature to shine through.
I hope this helps,
Gini
I agree, one must accept oneself, before one can make positive change. Self hatred and resentment won’t lead anywhere. But many people seem to just take this advice as resigning oneself, and not letting oneself grow and change
Hello Henway,
Yes, many people do see accepting themselves as resignation, whereas I’ve found that until I get into a space of acceptance, nothing changes (that saying “what we resist persists”), but once I shine love and acceptance onto a shadowy part of myself, I’m uplifted into creating a new way of being.
Gini