Writing an apology letter to a friend is a heart and soul experience.
Friendship provides love, support, companionship, and fun, but it also offers an opportunity for growth and self-awareness. As we trigger each other and push our hot buttons, we have two choices: explore our issues, release limitations and evolve to a new level, or go into resistance, shut down, and end the friendship. There are of course times when it’s in the best interests of both people to move on from the relationship. If it can be done with honesty and closure, it can be a healing experience. But when is a friendship over and when is there a rift that needs to be mended?
If you would like to mend your friendship, a letter of apology might be the best place to start. If it doesn’t heal your relationship, at least it will provide you with some closure. Here are some suggestions on how to get started.
Express yourself freely. It can be challenging to know how to write an apology letter – what to say, how to say it and so on. Over analyzing can prevent honesty from flowing freely. One way to start is to write a draft letter – one that you don’t intend to send to your friend. Write it in a journal, on a note pad or on your computer, but let it all out. Touch into your emotions and express them freely. If you’re angry, have a temper tantrum on paper. If you’re sad, pour your heart out. Use this as a safe place to vent, judge, criticize, whine, complain, be needy, justify or whatever comes out of you. Then sit with it for a day or two and let it process. This will clear out the charge and open a space for clarity to write the real letter.
Own your stuff. If you’re writing an apology letter, you most likely feel bad about something you did or said in your relationship. It’s helpful to put aside your hurt friend’s reactions, other friends’ opinions, and your inner critic’s judgments and take a real look at what happened. Without justifying your behaviors, look at what was going on for you at the time. What was triggered? As you own your issues from a place of acceptance you will heal them. You will then be able to communicate to your friend from a place of self-forgiveness and bigness instead of shame and neediness. We all make mistakes – that’s how we learn and grow.
Check your motivation. What is the purpose of your apology letter? Is to release guilt, ask for forgiveness, make amends, repair the friendship, or a bit of everything? Releasing guilt and being forgiven are things we need to do for ourselves as no one can really do them for us. Be clear about what you hope to accomplish before you write the letter and ask yourself if this is the most appropriate way to achieve this. Put yourself in your friend’s shoes and reflect on what they need to hear from you.
Write from the heart and soul. If you write an apology letter from your intellect only, it may come across as cool and insincere. You may end up justifying your behavior, rather than building a connection with your friend. If you write solely from your emotions, you might be reactive or smothering. If you communicate from your heart and soul, you will write from a place of authenticity, honesty and clarity. You will be guided by your higher self to express your deepest truth. Take 10 or 15 minutes before you write to relax your mind, release emotions, and center within your spiritual self. Then allow your heart to lead the way as you write.
Once you’ve written the letter of apology, set your intention for it to be received in the best way and then let go of all expectations. This will create a space for something new to emerge.
I hope these suggestions help. Do you have any questions or further ideas on writing an apology letter to a friend? Please share below.