Speak your truth with kindness by transcending the nice vs. mean dichotomy.

We all get to a point in our lives where we’re tired of playing ‘nice’. Where we’re done sugar coating the truth and fed up with false smiles. Yet we don’t want to be mean when we say “no” or when we speak our truth. “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all,” rings in the back of my mind. Where did that saying originate anyway? Why were so many of us raised to be polite to the point of being inauthentic?

Many spiritual traditions ask us to be kind to others, so perhaps this is where nice emanates from. True kindness doesn’t involve being dishonest, yet when we’re caught on the ‘nice vs. mean’ dichotomy we end up being dishonest with ourselves and others. We say “Yes” when we really want to say “No.” We say “That’s okay,” when inside we’re screaming, “That’s Not okay!” Is it because we’re afraid of being mean, because we don’t want to hurt others, because we want to be liked, or because we simply haven’t discovered how to speak our truth with kindness?

Nice vs. Mean Dichotomy

I’ve been caught on the ‘nice vs. mean’ dichotomy many times. At the one extreme is the belief that nice people are polite, agreeable, kind and good. At the other end of the polarity is meanness – nasty, rude, hurtful and bad. No one wants to go there, but as with any dichotomy, we tend to swing back and forth occasionally.

If you can relate to this, you might find that with some people you’re always nice. Smiling and nodding, even though don’t agree with what they’re saying, or agreeing to do things you don’t really want to do. If you’re able to unhook from this side you might swing over to the other side of the dichotomy – becoming blunt, rude or curt. This tends to lead to regret and guilt.

There is a way to transcend the ‘nice vs. mean’ dichotomy and speak your truth with kindness. It involves centering within your spiritual self and viewing others with compassion. Operating from your highest self supports you to see the bigger, spiritual soul in another. Being kind allows you to speak your truth without invalidating the other person.

What is Kindness?

Kindness stems from compassion. It’s the ability to understand what another is experiencing from personal experience or imagining their situation. Compassion isn’t sympathy. Sympathy is when we pity another and don’t see their spiritual bigness. This leads to caretaking behaviors such as fixing others’ problems which only enables them to be incompetent or dependant. Sometimes walking away, saying “No,” or pointing to the painful truth with love are the most kind, compassionate things a person can do for another.

Explore the difference between being nice and being kind. Become aware of what pulls you into being in-authentic and nice so you can shift to being honest and kind. This will support you to speak your truth without being mean. If you still find you get caught on the’ nice vs. mean’ scale, read the article on Transcend Duality and Rise Above Dichotomies for a spiritual exercise to help you experience a higher level of compassion and kindness.

Please share your questions, insights and experiences on how to speak your truth with kindness in the comments section below so I and other readers may benefit.